cerita dari seseorang yang asanya mulai pupus

*** ini bukan cerita penulis. ini bukan cerita penulis, ini yang ditulis oleh penulis,

bismaribrahim.

baca dengan pelan.

sekali lagi, ini bukan cerita penulis, ini yang ditulis penulis,

bismaribrahim.

baca dengan pelan.

kalo lo pernah ngerasa marah sama kelakuan lo sendiri, lo ngerasa lo cemen banget buat ngelakuin sesuatu, dan lo nyesel karena ga ngelakuin itu, lo tau apa yang gua rasa sekarang, kayaknya sih lo lo juga sering merasa kayak gini.

bahkan untuk bikin kata-kata yang mau lo ucapin ke seseorang pun lo ga bisa, dan rasanya otak, tangan, kaki, mulut, dan hati semua kerja sendiri-sendiri, ga ada koordinasi. saat sebenernya lo pengen banget buat melakukan itu, tapi tiba-tiba pemikiran lo buyar berantakan, heng, dan rasanya pengen meledak, jadi lo pikir kalo lo mesti cepet-cepet lari, dan dengan larinya lo, lo juga mikir bakal tenang, ya emang bakal tenang, tapi itu cuma berjalan sesaat, setelah itu, kekecewaan lo karena hal itu ga tuntas bakal lebih dalam. dan, salah tingkah.......

terus pertanyaan-pertanyaan atas penyesalan lo keluar meledak membanjiri otak lo yang udah jenuh ga jelas itu, menekan, dan menekan banget. kalimat-kalimat konyol pun keluar.

'ahh, harusnya tadi gua lakuin aja!! tolol banget sih gua.'

dan bla bla bla yang akhirnya bikin lo makin gila dan makin ga nemu gimana harusnya lo bersikap.

kalo lo bisa keluar dari raga lo yang lagi gila itu, dan lo lihat gimana lo marah-marah sendiri, jambak-jambak rambut, nahan teriak, dan lain-lain, mungkin lo malah bakal ketawa karena yang lo liat itu sebenernya lucu, tapi lo sendiri ga tau akan kelucuan itu, dan lo terus lari di perasaan kesal lo, berlari makin kenceng sampe ke garis finish lintasan kekesalan lo, tapi semakin kenceng lo lari, garis itu makin kabur, sampe akhirnya lo capek buat terus lari, lo jalan santai sambil ngumpulin tenaga buat lari selanjutnya, dan yang terjadi tanpa lo sadar adalah garis itu udah lo injek sebelum lo mulai lari lagi...

hyuhh..

awalnya gua buat ini cuma untuk nunjukin kalo gua lagi kesel, tapi pas gua lagi ngetik kayaknya kekesalan gua jatuh di tuts tuts keyboard gua, untung mereka ga hidup, mereka bisa teriak-teriak ke gua dan lari jauh dari gua karena kesal di pencet ga make perasaan. hahahaha

when i wanna step my foot straight, it turns to the right and left.

when i wanna be calm down, my heart is rumbling crazily.

yes, every time i want something, i get what they are not.

so i think it's better for me not to hope you to be by my side,

but if only you are still so far away from me,

i have to realize that

inspired by a true story of my friend

hey! look at her!

she's fat! she wears glasses!

but she isn't ugly, and she won't be it

she came to this world with her smile

and her smile brought everything we need

she came to this world with her bright light

she made the others happy

she made the others miss her so much

she was being mocked by her friends but she kept her smile for them

her parents love her so much

but her tounge was injuried

she had to drink 11 medicines for her health but she couldn't stand for it

but she wasn't a weak

she didn't wanna be kissed by her younger sister

her mother was taking care of her for 26 days in hospital

then doctor broke her mom's heart

he said that she would be able to eat what she wanted

then the sky seemed so grey, the sea seemed so black

one day,

one of her friend asked her

'hey ki, if someday we die, whom will we meet? is it Allah? is it Buddha? or what?'

then she answered

'i don't know, but my mom and daddy said that every kind-hearted will be lying in heaven.'

she struggled her life, she tried to be strong

and she was really strong, at least for me

but she couldn't ran away from her death

it would come, and it really came

she left everything love her

she left her parents, her most beloved younger sister

she went to somewhere unknown

to somewhere better for her

for every smile she threw

for her next life.

i'm sorry if this words don't evoke it's feeling, i just try to find some good word to express it, this is what i've tried.

bye.